blogs, life, mindfulness, writing


I have to apologize for not writing in a while. I’ve been dealing with a “coma” like demeanor induced by my medication. I suffer from bipolar disorder and because of this I have to take medication that makes me feel less energetic (with almost no energy, to be honest), hungry all the time (why?), and numb (for the most part). Recently I’ve had more than enough time to think and perhaps I’ve been thinking too much about events that have passed these last few years because I’ve been feeling upset. Upset that I can’t control what happened in the past- I can only control what happens in the present. I’ve also been upset because of the fact that I have to take medication for my disease. Unfortunately, I was born this way-but thankfully, there are ways to cope, even if they have their cons. I’ve been going to therapy too, which helps, but that doesn’t stop the fact that I have to deal with a disease that I don’t fully understand and meds that leave me feeling like a zombie every single day. I’m sad but I can’t even cry (could it be the antidepressant I’m taking?) So-so far-I haven’t been feeling like my usual peppy self. I’m afraid this feeling won’t dissipate unless I drink copious amounts of coffee (ha!) but I’ll give myself a couple of months and see what happens. Perhaps I’m just going through a depressed phase-after all-I am bipolar and I have episodes of peppiness and episodes of feeling down. I think, no, I’m sure I’m in a feeling down episode. A couple of more things I want to say:

1.Thanks to Abilify for keeping me anti-psychotic.

2.Goddamn you Abilify for making me so goddamn hungry all the time!
Next update should be in a month or so. Let’s see how I feel then.


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