“There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.”
I found this quote online a few weeks ago and gave it some thought because I’m currently trying to solve some issues with chemicals and it isn’t going as well as I had imagined.
At the beginning of my journey, I started taking medication for depression and a psychotic episode that I experienced as a result of stress and other issues. I was prescribed Abilify (anti-psychotic) and Celexa (anti-depressant.)
The first two months it was challenging for my mind and my body to adapt to these chemicals and what they were doing to my system, however, day-by-day I got better. Almost four months in and I’m at the point in the process where I very much dislike taking medication for the following reasons:
1.The meds make me feel tired (abnormally so)
2.I lack the energy to exercise for more than 20-30 minutes (and by exercise I mean walking)
3.Sometimes I have difficulty sleeping and I’m restless and put up a fight with my sheets
4.I feel like my anxiety is worsened by one of the meds (perhaps the Abilify as I have read it is a side-effect)
5.An anti-depressant may help somewhat but I still feel sad on a weekly basis because I am perplexed by existential questions
The truth is—there is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem—and although my concentration and stability have improved—the sadness still remains.
In the middle of the day, or at night when I have more time to think,
These questions come and go as I try to find peace:
“Is it worth the struggle?”
“Why is it important to keep going?”
“What is the point if I’m being conditioned to live a mostly boring and restrictive life by this society?”
“How can I find freedom in my everyday life?”
“How can I deal with this monotonous routine?”
“Why is it important to have a sense of strength and how can I foment this strength?”
Pills or no pills, I will keep asking myself these questions and I will keep looking for the answers.
Because I know that one of my purposes in life is to deal with what most of us have to deal with: grabbing happiness however we can because it is what makes us feel good.