Is love a choice or are we helpless to its power?

A very insightful college course that I took last semester taught me Individuals have Agency, which means that they always have a Choice. We always have a Choice. We have the power to say I’m going to do this or I’m not going to do this. We shouldn’t feel powerless by saying I’m not going to do anything, I’m going to stay silent and not make a decision because I don’t have a choice. No. We have a choice—we can say yes or we can say no. We can stay silent or we can speak up. But my question is in the matter of love. Is love a choice or are we helpless to its power? A conversation with my friend Natalie the other day almost convinced me that love itself is a choice. But it isn’t. What we choose is what say and what we do. We choose our actions. In the matter of love, sometimes we are helpless to its power.

After watching the film Carol (starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara as two lovers) I was inspired by the thought that love is indeed universal and powerful enough to bring two people together even when it seems impossible. Natalie said that we choose to love the people that we love. But do we choose to fall in love? I don’t think so. I believe that we choose whether or not to pay attention to the signs. The “signs”—which can sometimes be confusing—are indications that another person is interested in you. And if you’re interested in that very same person, my advice is to let this be known. In the end, both have to make decisions and prove something with their actions. If not, this love will be unexplored. And that is just sad as hell. However falling in love is something that can’t always be explained. The only thing that I understand is that we are helpless to its power. So love itself isn’t a choice, what is a choice is how we treat this matter and our choice of voicing our desire, even if this means the other person does not return this desire. It is better to use our power as individuals than to stay silent for years and years, imagining what it would be like to say something or do something. The Choice is Ours. So let’s declare our love! It’s probably one of the most important things that we can do with our time and with the one life we get.




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